with a bridle rattling on the sides of my mind
I’m walking with even steps on Valproate Avenue
watching my reflection from the big shop windows
behind my mirror image the advertisements inviting
with their lights flashing, the calling of colorful sirens
I turn my head and keep my eyes on the grey pavement
but there is the next window and the next
and I may stop again, just for a peek, just a tiny glance
and whoom! I rush on the wings of the dazzling rainbow
my wings along my sides hands reaching for the candies of the universe
translating left over words of feelings
to a strange language of understanding
publish my writings in the rainy night
and the water is licking my message empty
oh you do whisper in my ear
twist my mind now and with your secrets
oh vanity, oh vanity
your truths are so mellow
candies wrapped in easy listening
oh vanity, oh vanity
but in my darkest hour
even you fail to pierce my walls
and I have reached out and called
oh vanity, oh vanity
One never ending moment
in the dusk of past
I touched my sun warm skin
and under the invincible surface
there was a rock with clear blue sea
on me
in me
there was a rock with clear blue sea.
I want to step carefully on the path full of roots
avoid the dark eyes of the bottomless ponds
I wish to stand under a big familiar tree
hiding from the blackness of the forest
sheltered from the beating rain
but I jump from an unknown cliff
head
ahead
to the foaming twist of water of frantic happiness
to the grab of ice cold waves of sorrow
just over the pale cheekbones
eyes
gone
hiding
a ribbon from a worn-out princess dress
caressing the broken jogging shoe laces
yesterday there was a party
funny hats and coloured balloons
pinned the tail on the donkey
the queen raised her glass and toasted for tomorrow
yesterday a long time ago
My back ahead I fall
up there the crowded bridge
getting smaller and smaller
through emptiness towards the sea
my back ahead I fall.
There are two seas
one that always has a shore to swim to
one that locks me under its surface.
The night was here
too soon again
I took a careful step and reached out
the shadows whispered
hello
hello
I knew them all
from moments of fear and endless doubt.
I looked into the face of night
and suddenly the moon cried
to my heart the beam of light
entered gently and so bright.
Full of stories
yet to tell
I returned away from the sleepless hell
the cry of moon there on my shoulder
words
words
on my computer
so dark so sad but full of glory the little letters fell.
City angel
her freezing hands in the pockets
of a worn jacket
on her way to work to the super market.
City angel
yesterday’s tear hiding behind
the black painted eyes
against the fragile back
a rucksack full of wait.
City angel
scary shoes in those tiny feet
inside her wounded fists
holding a tomorrow’s bird.
I listen to the rain behind my eyes
no picture of no one on my wall
the sound of cars passing by
opening doors and the morning radio
is playing the happy song to start the day.
But my yesterday has not ended yet.
The puzzle is broken
the pieces thrown around
from tear to tear
I try not to find them.
I paint a smile with blue
on my skin of lonely grey.
How splendid it is
the woman watching at you naked body after you made love.
She lights a cigarette, closes her eyes
says with her honey voice how wonderful you were.
And you adore her unearthly beauty
you do not see
the ancient scars
the wrinkled skin.
How could you ?
When you’re just
a five minute man.
One of the many
who live inside her head.
From the black sleep I woke
for a moment I danced with the shadows
the strawberry path of lights
my bare feet embraced the scented sand
and fell asleep with the flickering face of the lake.
For a moment the wind swept away
the rotten layers from the pages of my book.
A girl on the beach
looking for small shells
singing a song her mother taught her
tender waves rock the
clumsy water bird babies
swimming after their mothers
and across the warm blue sky
the white ships of clouds are sailing.
Like in a secret magic ritual
they walk hand in hand
deeper and deeper they reach
letting the warm water surround them
mother and child baptizing themselves
to ever more keep this moment in their hearts.
A girl in the heart of concrete
silent walls sky high so deaf
with black eyed windows so blind
her tiny feet stepping in a rush
towards the thousand yellow lights
she walks in to a big white house
sits by a bed reaching out her hand
to touch the grey hair.
She opens her hand
-Look mother, from the secret place
the girl whispers and starts a song
a song her mother taught her.
The weakened hands holding
the small shells.
This moment
and tomorrow
I walk in the footprints of gods.
Along the winding path leading under the trees
through the black eyes of fens
feet covered with fearless blood
heart pounding with ageless force
nights rushing on their wings
days seeking for a shadow
until I enter the land of spirits
the hiding place of gods.
throw away
all the unnecessary
it only hurts when it hits you
the battleships of disappointed mind
the tankers of the nights of crying
the missiles of the hard words spoken
the warheads of the lies
Flying free, seeking crumbs to stay alive
no use calling for that fragile creature
be humble, be patient, then one moment
it comes down on your waiting finger
and the words come flying from your mind
brilliant colours appear on the canvas of your life
and all the bird needs is to be kept free
for it carries the seeds of creative souls.
I look in the mirror, hear my holler behind me
and like thousand nights are forgotten
and like thousand reflections slide away
I have come to this room on an endless journey
to
yesterday
I cannot forgive my self
the wishing well is full with hoping
I carry a bag of thoughtlessness with pain
please, more time, I beg, more time
all clocks tick too fast, some stopped in yesterdays
I have come to this room to beg for more time
There was a sound
like a bird rising on its wings
the melody of the rain, a gentle song
with a soft, calming voice
a choir of drops falling into the ground.
Giant trees were bending down
to hear a fragile little voice
a sad tone of tears
under a mushroom
a little girl sang tales of yesterday.
I walked so long
in the valley of grief
eyes looking through
the shades of colour blue
sang every sad song I knew.
I closed my eyes.
Suddenly from the depth
one strong pull
and across the air
I’m on a flaming red flight
a ride to a sunny place
sounds of laughter
with my name on the welcome flag.
You seem so cold, he mumbled with his hands on her breasts.
From her frozen lips the words fell like steel – so you think you can feel ?
Letting the warmth die you gave birth to Queen Ice. Well, here I am.
You put out the fire with ice and there is no such heat
that can put the ice back on fire again.
I put my hand against my mouth
those words will not escape
black hairy stinking they want to fall out
you deserve them all
every every letter
every word
through my fingers those green slimy ugly
but I will not let them said out loud
I listen to the rage of silence
The heavy song of the rain
the only sound I wish to hear
every weakened muscle trembling
my cheek against the watery moss
above me the dark shadow of the old spruce.
Behind my closed eyes short flashes
the strange smile on your face
an angry hand holding my letter
echoes of the crashing furniture
a cat frightfully screaming
furious banging on the bathroom door
opening the window with my bleeding fingers
the slipping steps on the lightless paths
cracks of breaking sticks from behind.
The lullaby of rain
slowly sinking in a sleepless dream
-you say goodnight.
the hours of the night
we look for happiness
from the village of the red sunset
from the city of the blue moonlight
we glide along the river surface
watching the horseflies sleep
we dig our hurting finger nails
into the walls of stone
we look from the mountain top to all directions
before sunrise we crawl to our caves
sighing to the emptiness
no happiness, no happiness
the salty creek of solitude burning on our cheeks
A warm summer night
I watched you watching me
the tickling of my stubborn hair
your finger moving back the braid
a sudden tingling behind my ear
I said too many words
you hushed my lips with yours.
Today I watched the film we shared
my skin remembering yours.
She walks towards the waiting hands
with new stumbling steps
there very near the smiling face of warm embrace.
The safe familiar scent in the middle of the night
the lights go on and the tears dry off
there very near the smiling face of care and comfort.
She wakes on the morning of youth
with the birds of freedom on her shoulders
empty book full of beautiful plans.
Then the wolf smiles
a beast ready to put it’s jaws around her heart.
There is no smiling face near in the black.
But the wolf is smiling.
She
falls
to the sea of unneeded
she cries until the tears stop falling.
The wolf is smiling
with it’s sharp white teeth waiting.
She
smiles
back
and stands in the dark with her eyes wide open.
Winter,
from minute to minute
she kept staring
at the dark
eyes unclosed.
There she stands
leaning to a cold wall
behind the corner thumping noise like giants marching
flickering dancers in spots of melted snow
swords of bright colours dashing through the air.
Will she close her eyes
wrap inside the safe dungeon,
hold the hand of blindness, the old trusted friend.
Or take a peek, a shivering step
to let the white lights knock on the door
ask her for a ride on a song of spring.
The storm spinning dead leafs
in a strange forest I’m lost
my eyes covered with moss
reading books of wicked luck.
The flood of crashing rain
sweeps away the ancient paths.
There, the sound of laughter born again.
Trees bending down with whispers
pledges of hope.
I have mixed the hair of my life
to something
big
exciting.
An unsteady pile of plans, screaming signs saying
here !
there !
this !
now !
I carry my prosperous empty head with pride
my chin up
from ditch to ditch.
With their foreheads all wrinkled
the horseflies rush through my hair-do
buzzing their advice to me.
The cat can fly
so smoothly through the night.
so why can’t I ?
and then again, I might.
Questions not been answered
haunting in my mind
love has changed in to a quiz
sentences of my heart
ending with three dots…
Fastened with a popper
there in the buttock of my soul
there, can you see
beside the thickened heart
near the spoiled, burned guts.
My spirit.
We watch a movie on my sofa
side by side
you ask me if I want
to have some juice.
Yes, I say, yes.
You hand the glass slowly
fingers touch fingers.
I have a taste of the cold drink
eyes hook on eyes.
You ask if you can have a sip.
Yes, I say, yes.
Lips on lips.
A burning red whirl
in the flickering blue light,
too hot to turn off the TV.
n a little red car
wind displaced hair
foot heavy on the gas pedal
behind the milestones a nameless grey
ahead the shiny nailed fingers of lights
crash point of the planets thundering basses
flickering night birds dance on the neon signs
but the road leads down to another city
dirt covers the hood blinding the head lights
blackening fog builds a firm wall before the eyes
tires stick to a slimy spider web
emptiness erases the sides of the little red car
hands turned rigid lose their grip from the vanishing driving wheel
ahead the crash point of the planets flickering night birds dance on the neon signs
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